How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
