Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
