I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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