Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
