so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I love how my cats smell like pot.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
