Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
