then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
