I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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