there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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