I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think people are normalizing furries
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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