I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
a search helicopter?!
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
