you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
