Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
