I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
