People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Operation Purity has been aborted
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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