U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
