One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
