my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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