when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
