Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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