I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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