I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
