she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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