I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
