Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
