Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
