Heybabeimwearingurpanties
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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