by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
