Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
