Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
i now understand why vodka
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
