I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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