I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
it's like heaven, but drunker
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
