PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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