I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
