Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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