She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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