I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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