They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
we should paint friendship bongs
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