He uses pillows to masturbate.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
