Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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