jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Nicole vs. Life
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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