nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
