What tipped you off? The sombrero?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
