I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
