i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
