I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I think I died a long time ago.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
