Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
