I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
