She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
tell me about the fingering
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