His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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