best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I party with great urgency now.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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